WIP
This transcript has not been edited for accuracy yet. But
it’s my Winter’s Crest gift to you. Short quotes may be added after Thordak
flies off, but mostly that’s a long transcript.
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Transcript method notes: http://otdderamin.tumblr.com/post/153539301510/a-note-on-my-transcription-method
Episode URL: http://geekandsundry.com/critical-role-episode-79-thordak/
Percy Regrets so many things
22:37 Percy: “I’m regretting so many things right now.
Not you. Oh god! I shouldn’t avoid my family, it leads to dragons.”
Larkin is not with you
22:51 Matt: “In all of your focus, and all of your
arrival, and the crawl into this, and Thordak,”
Travis: “On, no.”
Matt: “none of you noticed that Larkin is not with
you.”
Laura: “No surprise there!”
Laura: “Piece of shit.”
Keyleth: “Piece of shit.”
Laura: “God! I’m really sure that she’s going to fuck
us.”
Thordak killed the Twin’s mom confirmed
46:01 Matt of Vex: “So as you rush past, looking up
into the face of the creature that you know for certain seeing it there, this
is the creature that brought your mother to her end, and half the city of
Byroden to the south. And as the anger swells into you and mixes with the surge
of adrenalin in your body, and you don’t even feel the momentum, your hands
just instinctually go through all the motions of training, all the years you
just fwuph, fwuph, as each arrow target’s loosed, there’s this fuzz, this
numbness around, as your hatred is focused, so clear, on this drag’s head. And
then shweup, the air rushes back to your lungs, and you slam your back into the
wall,” two heavy breaths, “preparing for your next round.”
So you prayed at him?
[Vax flies up to Thordak and Cast’s Vow of Enmity]
47:44 Sam: “So you prayed at him? Good job.”
48:54 Liam: “It gives me advantage on every attack,
sneak attack on every attack, whether there’s someone next to him or not. So
take your joke and shove it up your butt, man.”
Sam: “I always do.”
♪Thordak the Cinder King, had
a very shiny Gem♪
54:11 Sam: “I’ll inspire Percy. I’ll sing him a lovely
Christmas song.”
♪You know Raishan and Vorugal,
the Frigid doom♪
♪Brimscythe, and Umbrasil, we
killed in his room♪
♪But do you recall, the most furtive
dragon of all♪
♪Thordak the Cinder King♪
♪Had a very shiny Gem♪
♪And if you ever saw it, saw it♪
♪Run the fuck away from him♪
Is that all you’ve got? Yes
56:10 Thordak: “Is this all you’ve got?”
Scanlan, nodding: “Actually yes. That is my biggest
thing. So, yes.”
Thordak, menacingly: “Good.”
Scanlan cowers, quietly: “Nee!”
Map direction
57: 26 Taliesin: “I’m going to take a deep breath and
shoot as far directly north as possible. Or I suppose for you it would be
south, down the map towards that building on the far corner. I’m just going to
run in that direction.”
Raishan Enters the Fray
1:00:42 Matt: “At this point, you see now, you watch as
through the clouds, this winged figure comes, and-”
Liam: “Get ‘em girl.”
Laura: Mother-!“
Liam: “Look how easy she is.”
Matt: “Lands on this distant building,”
Laura: “Now,”
Marisha: “Is she going to fucking help us!?”
Laura: “moment of truth! Moment of truth!”
Sam: “This is it!”
Marisha: “Fuckin’ help us!”
Matt: “As the impact happens, you watch as Thordak
turns and grins.”
Thordak, “There you are. Oh, you’re going to taste so
good.”
Matt: “Raishan grins from the side.”
Raishan: “Not to worry, my King.”
Sam: “Oh shit, that doesn’t sound good.”
Laura: “I can’t tell what she’s gonna do!”
Sam: “Is she lying? She’s a deceitful one.”
Liam: “Stupid tension play.”
Matt, who’s been looking something up in the book: “At
this point she going to–hold up- ah, there we go there’s the spell sheet;
yay!–she is going to go ahead and move right there. Gets right up onto the
building that you guys are hiding behind. As you feel the rubble and rock
tumble around you, you look up and you can see the giant leathery-green wings
unfurl. She inhales her chest, expanding,”
Sam: “Oh god, oh god, oh god…”
Matt mimics a dragon’s breath weapon. Everyone screams in
delight.
Matt: “and you see a giant cloud of poisonous gas
released in the direction of Thordak.”
[chatter, funny as it was]
1:02:21 Matt: “Does not make his s- Wait, this is a
poison- no, it’s a constitution, ooh, he does make that, he does make that. So,
take 38 points of poison damage. As Thordak rears from the attack,”
Thordak: Angry, sputtering growls, “Oh, you’ll die
especially painfully.” Snarling growl.
Keyleth doesn’t take orders from Raishan, but knows a good plan
1:03:11 Matt: “As Raishan’s like,”
Raishan: “Now, get in! Circle and finish this!”
…
1:03:27 Marisha: “I turn to Raishan, and I say,”
Keyleth: “I don’t take orders from you! I’m only doing
this because it’s a good plan!”
Zahra taught Keyleth about Hentai
1:04:01 Marisha: “I’m going to attempt slimy doom. In
honor of Zahra! And her teaching us about hentai! She taught me what that was
the night before the fight.”
Thordak is crazy. Or is he?
1:25:44 Matt, after Vex’s attack: “So, the final arrow
releases and gets stuck up under one of the scales, on the side where its
shoulder and body hits, and the dragon Thordak turns,”
Thordak: Angry snarl, then a deranged laugh, then pouting
grunting.
Sam: “Oh god, look at those faces.”
Most of the players are caught in Matt’s story. Taliesin is
more carefully reading Matt.
Taliesin: “Way too many emotions happening there.”
Thordak: “Don’t worry, we’ll take them down.”
Joyfully, falling to an angry growl, “All of them! Each and every
one.”
Laura: “He’s crazy as fuck.”
Marisha: “That’s Thordak?”
Sam: “Strait up crazy.”
Taliesin, slowly, with dawning realization: “No. He’s
not.”
Laura: “Who is he talking about?”
Marisha: “Who is he talking to?”
Only Sam trusts Raishan
2:27:36 Sam, after Raishan attacked Thordak: “Ah,
that’s good! That’s our girl!”
Taliesin, oh, that’s ours, okay.“
Sam: “That’s our girl, that’s our dragon.”
Taliesin: “For the moment.”
Sam: “We have exactly one ally dragon in this fight
right now.”
Taliesin: “Who’s going to turn on us at any
moment.”
Liam shakes his head at Sam.
Travis: “Don’t you- I will pop all your knuckles.”
Sam: “No, we do, she’s great, she’s great.”
Laura: “I do not understand you right-”
Travis: “I will pop all your knuckles right now.”
Liam, towards Sam: “Last thing we do in this fight is
all turn on you.”
Marisha: “The last thing we do is we die. We see a
Bronze Dragon show up.”
Laura: “We’re all dead on the ground and Scanlan is
like,” joyfully spreads out her arms and grins.
My friends are gonna fucking kill you today you FUCK!
1:29:44 Liam: “Curve over his- Oh! No! Sword’s in his
head,”
Vax: “My friends are gonna fucking kill you today you
FUCK!” Liam mimics wrenching out the sword.“
Liam: “Reach over his head, and away.”
Matt: “The blade, which has jammed itself in the
cheekbone under the eye of the dragon, as you draw it out, there’s a streak of
dragon blood, and the dragon’s just,”
Thordak: Angry roar turning into a deranged laugh
Matt: “You arc over. As you do, he snaps, reaches up
with his jaws,” he mimics snapping jaws with his arms, “reaches up to
try and bite you. That is a 21 to hit.”
Liam: “No.”
Matt: “The jaws snap in the air, just as you coast
through with your wings. And where are you-?”
Liam: “I’ll slam down, if I can, behind the building,
behind his big, fat ass.”
Matt: “Sure.”
Laura: “I whisper on the earing,”
Vex: “That’s my brother! That’s my brother.”
Matt: “You do get an Attack of Opportunity from the- on
no, you disengaged from the uh-”
Liam: “I didn’t disengage.”
Matt: “No, that’s right, so the fire elemental actually
would have gotten an Attack of Opportunity on you. That is a…”
Laura: “It would be funny if after all that he just
knocks you unconscious.”
Liam: “No even.”
Matt: “That’s a 20.”
Liam: “No.”
Matt: “ Yeah, misses.”
Laura: “Oh, so you’re still invulnerable.”
Liam: “Yeah.”
Percy, through the earing: “Vax, it might be worth
taking a peak in that crater when you get a second.”
Vax, through the earing: “Working on it, working on
it.”
It’s a like Thursday
2:31:43 Matt: “Jarret, who is currently scared out of
his wits,”
Travis: “Just get your shit together, man.”
Sam: “Jarret, do you need some Thudde?”
Travis: “Spice?”
Taliesin: “Spice?”
Matt: “Heh, he’s like,”
Jarrett: “What, no, why would you-?”
Scanlan: “Well, you look crazy right now?”
Jarrett, yells: “Look at that!”
Scanlan: “It’s like… It’s like a Thursday.”
Roses are red
2:36:29 Scanlan: “I’ll Cutting Words this with a poem I
make up on the spot.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m a gnome
and you’re an asshole
The Gem Shatters, Thordak withers
2:46:20
Vax lands on Thordak’s head
2:51:30 Liam: “Think I’m up.”
Matt: “Yep.”
“I’m going to arch up and land on his head.”
[With Whisper, 45 damage. With Dragon Slayer, 25 damage.]
5:53:23 Liam: “And I will stay there.”
Laura: “This is going to be bad. We need to take
Raishan out.”
Scanlan, play the flute
2:58:39 Sam: “That was my Bonus Action. Well shit, I
have an action. I can do anything. I can do anything!”
Travis: “Yeah, you can play the fuckin’ flute!”
Sam: I could- huh? What flute?“
Liam: “What are you saving it for!?”
Marisha, shouting, “Why are you saving it!?”
Sam: “I play a shawm.”
Laura, shouting: “Why!? Why won’t you play the
flute!?”
Travis, sarcastically: “Shawm, shawm, right, I get the
pronunciation wrong.”
Laura: “We’re going to have to fight Raishan in a
second.”
Marisha: “This is far from over.”
Taliesin: “And whatever’s in that pit, and whatever’s
in that pit.”
Pour stuff in Pike
3:00:21 Sam: “I moved to Pike to pour stuff in
her.”
Cast cracks up.
Sam, defensively: “I did not mean that in any weird way.”
Impishly, “I poured stuff in her mouth.”
Vax gets indirect
3:01:23 Taliesin: “I’m just going to throw… Oh forget
it, I’ll throw 4 charges of Kabal’s Ruin in there. Let’s just do it.”
Matt: “It’s an additional 4d6 damage.”
Liam: “Am I electrified sitting on its big head?”
Taliesin: “Technically speaking, no. The way that this
works, it’s like a Tesla arc, so it wouldn’t technically…”
Marisha: “It just vibrates a little. Feels nice.”
Taliesin: “You’ll feel tingly.”
Matt: “Your nipples get a little pointy.”
Marisha: “Sittin’ on a washer.”
Vax: “Do it again, Percy.”
Taliesin: Sighs, “Bloody fanart.”
…
3:02:05 [Sam deliberately screws up Taliesin’s die counting
by looming over him, and then counting up the wring numbers.]
Taliesin: “You’re like everything I hate about Overwatch.”
Raishan his Vax with Chain Lightening
3:05:29 Matt: “Raishan does not get her breath back,
however she is going to utilize chain lightening.”
Matt clearly looks up the spell, and scans it.
Marisha: “Yeah, I want to see how this works.”
Sam: “Oh, Raishan.”
Laura: “It’s going to have to hit us. Won’t that hit
us? No, she controls what it hits.”
Sam: “She’s still on our side, right?”
Taliesin: “For another round or two.”
Marisha: “Yeah…”
Matt: “Alright, Chain Lightening: Dexterity Saving
Throw. That’s a success for Thordak.”
Sam: “Still takes some damage.”
Matt: “Trying to roll this quickly here, sorry.” Mumbles
to himself as he reads.
Liam: Travis, and Taliesin are watching Matt like
something’s fishy. Laura’s is deep listening mode.
Matt: “Okay. So, that is halved. Oh, no wait, halved is
21- no, that’s 18 points of lightening damage.”
3:06:22 Matt: “Vax, make a dexterity saving
throw.”
From their body language and expressions, all the players immediately
catch that that shouldn’t be happening.
Travis: “8 seconds too late.”
Liam: “I’m going to use Luck. Good time to use Luck.
26.”
Matt: “26, okay. You suffer 18 points of lightening
damage.”
Liam: “Okay.”
Matt: “As the bolt of energy that strikes Thordak, then
arcs into you because you’re right next to it.”
Liam: “Would this be a new round for me to use evasion?
I’ve lost track.”
Matt: “Uh…”
Laura: “I don’t think- Because Thordak’s already
gone.”
Matt: “No, you’ve already used it.”
Liam: “Okay.”
A skirt situation
3:07:58 Laura: “Maybe you can jump and then-”
Matt: “The attack- you could climb up and cast it, if
you want to try that.”
Marisha: “No. I’m in, like, a skirt situation. It’s not
good.”
Sam: “I’m not even paying attention, so if that’s your
concern…”
Marisha, nervously laughing: “Heh, heh, heh, no… It’s
just clumsy. I’m going to do- ARG! Everything’s not ideal right now.”
Taliesin: “No. Nothing’s good. Nothing’s-”
Liam: “You can climb.”
Laura: “Climb it! Climb it Keyleth!”
Liam: “C’mon, it’s fuckin’ end of the world.”
Marisha, stressed out: “It’s not like-”
Taliesin: “They don’t know.”
Marisha: “They don’t- Yeah, you don’t know. I’m not
good at that.”
Liam: “Okay.”
Marisha: “I’m bad at that thing.”
Liam: “Dexterity 2.”
Keyleth: “I am not a dexterous person”
Keyleth’s nagging ancestors
3:08:37 Marisha: “So instead, I’m gonna use my Spire of
Conflux.”
Sam: “Oh yeah, that Vestige thing.”
Marisha, saltily, at the camera: “Look, I haven’t
forgotten about it, alright.”
Travis: “Who are you talking to right now?”
Marisha: “And then-”
Sam: “Brian Foster.”
Marisha: “Looks around, with a laugh, “My
ancestors.”
Travis: “Okay.”
Brian’s “Ha!” can faintly be heard.
Keyleth Casts Chain Lightening at Thordak, Vax doesn’t take Damage
3:08:57 Marisha: “And then I’m going to do Chain
Lightening on Thordak.”
Matt: “Okay.”
Liam, conspiratorially: “Yeaaah!” He starts
watching Matt with a “what are you going to do here?” grin.
Marisha is also studying Matt closely while fidgeting
(unusual for her).
Sam: “Oh! Another Chain!”
Laura: “Nice!”
Matt: “Alrighty. Thordak’s save is… 19.”
Marisha: Gasps. “Fail, motherfucker!”
Matt: “Thordak’s going to use his second…”
Sam: “Legendary resistance.”
Matt: “Legendary resistance to make it.”
Liam, head cocked to the side with “game’s up smile”,
softly but snidely: “Do I get to do anything?”
Marisha: “Fine. That’s fine.”
Matt pointing to Liam, then Marisha: “One second, roll
damage.”
Liam narrows his eyes, then nods towards Matt with a smug, “I
knew it,” grin. He’s a bit alarmed at the amount of damage Marisha roles,
but is scrutinizing Matt, to see if he’ll end up taking it. Most of his body
language says, “Gig’s up, We’ve got your shit figured out.” But there
are a couple brief flashes of doubt at high numbers or reactions.
[Marisha roll’s a “hateful” amount of damage: 48. Sam
tries to be helpful on the math.
3:10:09 Matt: “So halved, that is 24 points of
lightening damage.”
Marisha, sarcastically faking confusion: “And there’s
no one else around within 30 feet of him other than Raishan.”
Matt: “Raishan’s not even in that range.”
Marisha: “No one else?”
Matt: “Yeah.”
Marisha: “Well… Okay, I do that.”
Liam gives Matt a wide “you clever, deceitful
bastard” grin.
Pretty sure Laura and Travis are also entirely aware of what
Keyleth just confirmed. Laura says something to Travis that might be,
“Shithead.”
You don’t know numbers. Maybe it’ll work.
3:13:06 Laura: “Don’t you have the Boots of Jumping?”
Travis: “Yeah, but I can only jump 20 feet in the air.
15 feet in the air.”
Liam: “That’ll do it, won’t it?”
Travis: “He’s 40 feet in the air.”
Liam: “Yeah, get you to 25.”
Sam: “You don’t know numbers. Maybe it’ll work.”
Travis: “These hieroglyphs seem to indicate that he’s
too high.”
Thordak flies into the hole, Vax rides along
3:14:42
Critical Analysis 