Use Molly’s correct pronouns, part 2

fkcoffee:

otdderamin:

I haven’t yet alienated all of Tumblr, so let me elaborate on why it’s bothering me so much that people are misusing Molly’s pronouns in fics. It’s not a couple people here and there that are exploring Molly using they/them pronouns. It’s nearly every single nonbinary Molly fic in 5 months. There’s one that uses his proper pronouns, and that one was about Molly questioning his gender. That’s the problem. Because that mirrors the pattern of how actual nonbinary people who use binary pronouns are erased and invalidated. And a lot of that erasure comes from other nonbinary people, which is why I am unimpressed by “I’m nonbinary” as an appeal to authority when it’s coming from someone who doesn’t exclusively use binary pronouns.

It belies a belief that nonbinary people who use binary pronouns are less nonbinary, and therefore less relatable. That it’s necessary to “fix” Molly’s pronouns to “properly” headcanon him as nonbinary. That only by using they/them pronouns can he unlock the true nature of his gender. That it’s a message that nonbinary people who use binary pronouns are bombarded with, and it’s entirely false. It erases the complexities of people’s genders and leaves them in a limbo where binary gender doesn’t describe them, but they don’t feel validly nonbinary either.

By all means keep writing nonbinary Molly fics. Continue relating to Molly as nonbinary, genderqueer, or very gender non-conforming in whatever way makes you happy. I’m not gonna burst into your mentions and condemn you or anything. But understand that you can do that AND respect the pronouns he gave us. There are other ways to signal he’s nonbinary other than using they/them pronouns. If you don’t feel like you can, that’s an internalized a bias, and that bias does get used against real nonbinary people. That’s what I have a problem with.

He did say he was fine with anything, but he showed a clear preference for he/him. So it’s probably okay to use they/them, but if you exclusively use they/them for him because you think that all nonbinary people HAVE to use neutral pronouns, then you need to reexamine why you think that way. Because, while Molly is fictional, that is a misconception that harms real NB people.

Clear preference is the key. I won’t take offense at the odd “they/them” or no-pronoun used for me. I may not even correct it in the moment. But if you are writing ABOUT me, if you are consistently addressing me and CHOOSING not to use the pronouns I gave you, I am absolutely going to take offense at that. “She/her” fits. It sounds right. It’s mine. It’s what I am. That doesn’t change my nonbinary gender identity. Forcing what you think are the right pronouns on someone despite what they’ve explicitly told you is an aggression against them and their identity. It’s not ever okay in any circumstance.

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