Allocishet normativity is the structure queerness resists. Being queer is not an exclusive cool kids club, it’s a resistance movement against a narrow colonial view of the world. It states that there are only two genders equivalent to sex assigned at birth, that only attraction to the “other” sex is natural, that sexual and romantic attraction are equivalent, and that all people feel romantic and sexual attraction.
This is a restrictive worldview reinforced constantly through policy, social norms, medicalization, and media depictions. It’s something people absorb by just being in the culture even if no one sits down and tells it to them directly. It’s as untrue as it is pervasive.
Anyone who exists outside of that paradigm experiences some level of alienation from the narrow norm. Queer people of different identities experience that differently with more extreme reactions from erasure to direct violence levied against them, but we all experience it. Including aromantic and asexual people attracted to the other binary gender, or nonbinary people who remain in proximity to their assigned gender. Even subtle alienation can be profound and isolating.
The fact that we’re more than willing to do it to each other because we haven’t unpacked all that baggage is the worst part. Queer people become willing weapons of the narrows within our own spaces and try to throw each other out in ways the narrows never could. Which only serves to divide us so we waste all our energy squabbling with each other and never getting around to fighting the narrow paradigm itself. We use labels to construct intellectual prisons instead of pointing the general way like they’re meant to. It sucks.
Queerness is a banquette to which everyone can bring a dish to share & feed each other rather than means-tested rationing designed to determine who’s worthy to be fed. Even non-queer people can bring dishes. Like my ex-boyfriend who after much consideration still feels “straight” fits him best, but has also had like 3 partners come out as nonbinary while dating him, so he certainly has a pattern beyond the usual allocishet paradigm. We do not run out of queerness by feeding each other. Like love, to exist in a queer paradigm is to be infinite.