This post is part 1 in a 7-part series examining everything
we learned about Molly’s backstory in Critical Role Campaign 2 Episode 014.
They are meant to be read together in sequence, but 9 pages seemed a little
long for Tumblr, so I’ve broken them up into separate posts. You can also find
links to this series, as well as further reading, on my Molly Index.
Separating Molly and Lucian
While working on my analysis of Critical Role C2 Ep014, it
became clear that I would have to make a choice about how to refer to the Molly
we know vs. the former owner of his body. My instinct was to call our Molly
“Molly” and the former owner “Lucian.” But I was worried
that was perilously close to dead-naming.
So, I started talking to trans friends about it that could act as sensitivity readers.
The general consensus was that separating them was appropriate, but it was my
NB friend who works closely with mental health who hit on exactly why: We’re
not talking about a trans or NB character, we’re talking about a character with
generalized
dissociative amnesia, and that is an entirely different set of needs.
For trans and non-binary people, changing their name is part
of reclaiming their identity, and building who they are vs. who other people
told them they were. The identity others constructed for them was often harmful
to them. This is why dead-naming is a problem: it prioritizes an identity other
people gave them over their own identity, which removes their agency. Bryce,
for example, was always who Bryce feels they are, and not any previous identity
they were given before. Any previous name they were assigned never really stood
for who they were. (If Molly is nonbinary, changing his name was not part of reclaiming his identity in this way.)
But Molly does not consider himself to be the same person as
Lucian. This is closer to how people with DID experience the world. Whatever
personality is operating at the time is the valid identity and has their own
personality, name, pronouns, and often memory. Molly has no idea who Lucian is,
and he doesn’t care. Lucian’s life is as irrelevant to his as the former owner
of his swords. Molly reiterates that five times in EP014 alone, and Taliesin emphasizes
it three time in Talks Machina 2018-04-17 for CR C2 Ep014.
Lucian lived a full life. He had a personality, ambitions, beliefs,
baggage, friends who loves him, and at least two names. Two years ago, he died
from a ritual, buried in the dirt. “That person is dead and not me. That’s just a person who had this body. They
abandoned it, it’s mine now.” ([5] CR C2 Ep014 2:20:16) Molly was born two years ago in the
dirt. He has his own distinct personality, ambitions, beliefs, baggage, friends
who love him, and a few spare names he’s fed people. “Molly is not missing any time or memory. Molly’s two
years old. Molly is not missing anything at all. Molly’s fine.” ([6] TM 2018-04-17 0:36:58)
“This is was, ‘I am made of nothing but decisions that
have led me to be this person, and if you think I need to add a bunch of decisions to be more complete, or if a bunch of
stuff that happened in my past is more important to who I am than who I am now,
that’s wrong. That’s just- That’s
fucked up and stupid. I mean, that’s madness.’ You get to decide who you are,
and he has very much decided who he is.” ([7] TM 2018-04-17 0:39:24)
When dealing with anyone with a complicated identity, you
need to listen to them and honor what they’re saying. You don’t get to override
what someone is telling you they need just because it makes you feel better
about your own baggage and hang-ups. Molly has very firmly asked us to call him
Molly and to treat him as his own person. By extension, that other person is
Lucian or Nonagon. They are separate and distinct people who have never met
each other and have never shared the same consciousness.
Part 1: Separating Molly and Lucian
Part 2: Cree
Part 3: The Tomb Takers
Part 4: The Ritual
Part 5: Molly Awakens
Part 6: Disciple of The Moonweaver
Part 7: Weird Blood Powers
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References
Transcript: Critical Role C2 Ep014 0:13:00 Molly’s Backstory
Transcript: Talks Machina 2018-04-17 Alpha 0:35:07 Molly’s notion of identity
Scenes run:
1. CR C2 Ep014 – There is no before 2:01:19 to 2:01:47
2. CR C2 Ep014 – Do you really not want to know your past? 2:04:48
to 2:05:30
3. CR C2 Ep014 – This is mine 2:08:45 to 2:09:18
4. CR Cr Ep014 – Someone else’s baggage in my head 2:09:45
to 2:10:05
5. CR Cr Ep014 – That person is dead and not me 2:20:16 to 2:20:30
6. TM 2018-04-17 – Molly isn’t missing anything 0:36:58 to
0:37:11
7. TM 2018-04-17 – The Notion of Identity 0:39:00 to 0:40:42
8. TM 2018-04-17 – How did Molly feel about Nott’s
insistence? 0:52:28 to 0:53:44
1. CR C2 Ep014 –
There is no before
2:01:19 Fjord:
“So, before you woke up in the dirt, nothing?”
2:01:21 Molly,
slightly agitated: “There is no before. Whatever happened before is not me. It’s not part of anything-” He sighs with frustration.
2:01:28 Nott:
“Like your life reset somehow? Or you just don’t remember?”
2:01:36 Molly,
internally struggling: “Some asshole got buried in the dirt. Fuck him. I
am enjoying what I’m doing. I want nothing to do with that. Anything that came
before, I was happy to just leave it be.”
2. CR C2 Ep014 – Do
you really not want to know your past
2:04:48 Nott:
“Question. Go back two- two beats. You said, ‘Who care about what happened
before.’”
2:04:56 Molly,
incredulously with an “obviously” gesture: “Yeah.”
2:04:57 Nott:
“Do you really not want to know
your past? Answer truthfully.”
2:05:05 Molly,
very pointedly, looking annoyed and frustrated: “I really don’t. I… Whoever that was… came to that end. And I want
nothing to do with that. Whatever it was, it doesn’t feel good when I- the
moments when something creeps through, I don’t like it. I don’t want anything
to do with it. I was happy. I… I
liked the circus. The circus was great.”
3. CR C2 Ep014 – This
is mine
2:08:45 Molly,
very pointedly, looking really annoyed again: “Okay. Here’s the thing that
you’re not catching: that wasn’t me. This is mine. I don’t want
anything from that other person anymore. That person is someone else. I don’t
want anything to do with it.
4. CR Cr Ep014 – Someone
else’s baggage in my head
2:09:45 Molly:
” I… I don’t want anybody- I don’t want to remember anything, I don’t want
anybody else’s baggage in my head, I don’t want anybody else’s problems,
thoughts, ideas.“ Tapping the table for emphasis, “I like this person right now, is a good person,
is a fine person, is a happy person.”
5. CR Cr Ep014 – That
person is dead and not me
2:20:16 Molly, firmly: “Let me make this abundantly clear: my name is Molly. That person is dead and not me. That’s just a person who had this body. They abandoned it, it’s mine now.”
6. TM 2018-04-17 –
Molly isn’t missing anything
0:36:58 Taliesin:
“This is- I’ll get into it, but yeah. I have a lot of people say things
like… ‘Molly’s missing time or missing memory.’ It’s like, Molly is not missing any time or memory. Molly’s two
years old. Molly is not missing anything at all. Molly’s fine.”
7. TM 2018-04-17 – The Notion of Identity
0:39:00 Taliesin:
“I am a… I am a big fan of the notion of identity, and sort of playing
with the notion of how we think of ourselves. And I will admit, in my past,
what can politely be described as an intense nervous breakdown was one of the
best experiences I ever had in my life.”
Brain: “Yeah;
yeah, yeah.”
0:39:24 Taliesin: “And really
kind of was… It was fascinating kind of going through a process of like, ‘I’m
just going to get rid of a bunch of stuff that’s not working for me, and just
take on a bunch of stuff that is, and I’m good with that. And that’s kind of…
That’s definitely… And you can see a bit of that in Percy, but it’s definitely…
kind of the function of Mollymauk’s character there, is that… is he doesn’t care who Lucian was. He’s not… It
doesn’t matter if he was a good person or a bad person. It’s, ‘I’m me now, and
I have decided this is what I’m doing.’ This is was, ‘I am made of nothing but
decisions that have led me to be this person, and if you think I need to add a bunch of decisions to be more
complete, or if a bunch of stuff that happened in my past is more important to
who I am than who I am now, that’s wrong.
That’s just- That’s fucked up and stupid. I mean, that’s madness.’ You get to
decide who you are, and he has very much decided who he is. And there’s this
little tangent, and wherever it leads, good or bad, is possibly to someone who…
or to a person who’s going to change- want to fundamentally change who he is
and overwrite a lot of that. That’s yeah, no. He wants nothing to do with
it.”
8. TM
2018-04-17 – How did Molly feel about Nott’s insistence?
0:52:28 Brian:
“Taliesin, Megan Hannah wants to know, ‘How did Molly feel about Nott’s
insistence that he should learn about his past? He got a little nasty with her
towards the end of Zone of Truth.’”
0:52:42 Taliesin:
“I think I said exactly how Molly
felt about that.”
Travis:
“Yep.”
Brain:
“Yeah. ‘Was he actually angry with her or was he just fed up with
answering everyone’s questions?’”
0:52:49 Taliesin:
“Uh, I think he was- I, uh… What is the phrase? It is… I don’t wanna… It’s
very much like… From Molly’s perspective it’s very much like a nice, innocent
child of appropriate age, say 13 or 14 years old, going up you when you were young
and going, ‘Why don’t you dress more like a boy?’ I mean like, ‘Why don’t you
go fuck yourself. You’re
adorable.” Like, not anger, but it was very much the, ‘Oh, what a patronizing
thing to say. Wow, your parents really didn’t raise you right, did they?’ Yeah,
it was very, ‘Go fuck yourself!’ Yeah. It was, but… still friends but definitely, ‘Oh no. Oh no…’“
Brian:
“Yeah. Did people often ask you when you were younger if you were a
pyramid?”
Taliesin:
“Uh, they asked me if I was boy or a girl on occasion, but yeah, no.
Pyramid?” Deadpan, “No. Never. Never.”
Critical Analysis 